Kissing II

Yes, I was thinking about this smoochsy little topic again, and it occurred to me only recently that there are universal laws for kissing. I think most people know them. It's not like there's a rule book somewhere, no one needs to be told or have them explained. They're just there, and mankind (hopefully :)) abides. But for the sake of argument, suppose some poor soul was left out of this little part of human nature? What if somewhere there is some novice out there who has never heard of the rules, much less have a clue what they are? Or what if this is all in my imagination and there really are no rules?

I'm going to settle this right now by writing down once and for all what I have somehow come to believe are universal rules that surround the act of kissing. Many of these apply specifically to first kisses, which come to think of it, is probably where we need rules the most...

1. Never kiss in front of parents or friends. There is nothing more embarrassing than a lip-to-lip in front the very people who changed your diapers (and don't see much of a difference in you to this day). Not to mention, kisses are supposed to be private and romantic, not parental samples.
2. Watch the setting. The backseat of his car is not romantic, it's sleazy. The living room couch is okay if it had a good setup, the doorstep (her doorstep) is classic.
3. Watch the signals. There are usually some pretty good clues that a kiss is on the way. Usually it's little things like glancing at the mouth, moving hands to the shoulders (guys), or to the waist (girls), spreading feet, tilting head, etc... A guy who wants to make it obvious (and avoid missing) might put his hand on her cheek.
   
4. Heads tilt to the right. Perhaps this is just because most of the world is right handed, or maybe there is some primeval tradition that dates back to our hunter-gatherer days ("no see deer over left shoulder--grunt-grunt..."). But this just seems to be the standard.
   
5. First kisses are (usually) standing events. It just seems weird to me that a first kiss should take place while sitting down.

So does this seem absurd? Or has anyone else spent their life unconsciously believing them? Does anyone know of some different "rules"? And are these rules good, necessary, or just silly? Comment and let me know what you think.

To see my first blog about kissing, check out "Kissing!" posted December 2008.

Valentine's Day II (What do They Want??)

Note: reading and participation in this blog could make the coming Valentine's Day and all following romantic holidays (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) a walk in the park for you, and for many others in your postion. What is that position? Ignorance about what on earth the opposite sex wants!

It's a mere five days till Valentine's Day, and the question on every dating person's lips? "What should I get them??" These words are spoken with increasing measures of desperation and bewilderment the closer it gets to that special day. Similar feelings tend to arise near birthdays, anniversaires, Christmas, Hanukkah...

Personally, I think guys have a pretty easy job. Perhaps that's just because I'm a girl. But most the marketing around Valentine's Day is aimed at guys. The ads on TV tell guys that they should get their girlfriends flowers, chocolate, and kitsch shaped like hearts. And frankly, they're right. But if you're truly attuned to the nature of women you know that all the generic sentimental gifts, while appreciated (and among some girls, even required) is only worth something if accompanied with an original element.

Sometimes this is just a matter of upgrading. For instance:

1. A bouquet of flowers--Good
2. A bouquet of red roses--Better
3. A bouquet of red roses and her favorite flower in her favorite color--Best

Although overall, most girls (especially teenage girls) will tell you they'd prefer a single red bloom to a whole bouquet of roses. 

Or, a foody variation:

1. A heart shaped box of candy--Good
2. A heart shaped box of chocolates--Better
3. A heart shaped box of her favorite fudge (or whatever)--Best

A little personalization goes a long way with girls. It shows you that you know what pleases a girl (roses) but that you also know her well enough to make your gift personal, which proves you've been paying attention (roses+favorite flower--which may actually be cheeper, by the way).

But guys aren't so easy to figure. I have lots of cool plans for girls (I daresay I'd make a good boyfriend :P), but you can't really get a guy flowers, or even personalize any of the classics (and believe me guys, anything can be personalized). Someone might be tempted to tell me to chill out. Guys aren't into all that stuff anyway. But the thing about me (and I suspect a lot of other girls) is that even if he isn't into all the tokens, I feel the need to express my love and care. I want to make sure that whatever I decide to get him will be appreciated for more than just the fact that I gave it to him. 

So I'm going to open up my delima to the public. I want suggestions, from both girls and guys about what they would want. Start posting! I want you to give me your Ultimate Suggestion. What you would appreciate the most for Valentine's Day? Maybe you'll make life for the opposite gender (and me!) a little easier. To kick start this little shmorg-board of ideas I'm going to give up my ultimate suggestions. Here goes:

Jaclyn's "Ultimate Suggestion" (fantacy):
I journal a lot. As a result I have all the dates and most of the times of the significant events of my relationship recorded (e.g. September 10 , 2008, 10:15pm: first held hands--that's the real date by the way). My ultimate fantacy includes a miniature 2009 calender filled from with pictures of us or pictures of us with our friends. All the significant events are pre-typed into the little boxes as the original, or anniversaries of important events. Things like "first banquet", "first hug", etc. Other boxes would have allusions to inside jokes. There would only be perhaps...twenty boxes with anything in them, but with the pictures it would be exceedingly special.

Jaclyn's Ultimate Suggestion:
A mix CD (maybe with some significant songs), wrapped, with a nice card.

Valentine's Day

Christmas has its lights, and Thanksgiving, its turkey. Halloween drowns in sugar and candy, and even St. Patrick's Day doesn't pass without a friendly pinch, but no other holiday acknowledges love, and sweetness the way our beloved Valentine's Day does. The truth is, most people have pretty mixed feelings about February 14, also widely known by the cynics and the bitter as Single's Awareness Day (it's no accident that the letters of this acronym spell "SAD").

On one hand, those who are happily married, or otherwise committed usually take the opportunity to trade gifts, go on romantic dates, and make everyone sick to their stomachs with their syrupy sweet (and often lengthy) public displays of affection. All the girls who have relationships, of course, use this as yet another opportunity for ridiculously jejune, yet classically feminine competition. They get together in small groups and compare the things their boyfriend's got them. A teddy bear here, a dozen roses there, a bouquet of flowers, a Valentine card. On occasion one girl manages to wow the group with a treasure truly original, proving once and for all that her boyfriend is superior to all her friend's beaus, and thus proving her superiority as a girl for having hooked such a gentleman.

Then there are those who, while happily attached, find the whole fluffy affair a bit much to handle. They drown helplessly in the pools of melted candy hearts, and from the time they sneeze themselves out of the rose petal bed, to when they sink into the lacy sheets at night, they feel little more than awkwardness and discomfort. "After all," many such couples say, "why should couples have to wait until February to show their significant others how they feel about them? It all seems so fake, so calculated..." The sentiments are genuine. Let's face it, Valentine's Day is a commercial holidayWhile these couples may enjoy the opportunity to do something special together, they don't enjoy the artificiality of the scheduled focus on romance. . And they certainly don't enjoy the abundance of attention from other people.

Finally, there are those who are single and resigned, if not happy (some people are better at rocking the single thing better than others). I was once one such person a year ago. Before my recent status change (going on seven months in case anyone wanted to know:D) I was resigned to single life, and for the most part, I was okay with it. I was a little envious of the girls who's daddies got them flowers or chocolate. My dad has never been much of a holiday type. He likes them, but he doesn't put tons of thought into them. And I treasured the small gifts from my girlfriends (I've never been much of a gift giver either, at least, not without lots of effort on my part), but the holiday just never sang to me. No worry, there was Christmas, and the piles of candy from friends carried me through the holiday lull to July 4.

Overall, most people manage to get through the holiday without too much discomfort or bitterness. In fact, I'd venture to say that most people like Valentine's Day (whether or not they're willing to admit it). But when one changes relational status they suddenly have to face the question of "what now?" Whether it be because of a recent brake up, or a new relationship , the first Valentine's Day after the fact always leaves one a little unsure of how they should respond to the holiday.

This is exactly the conundrum I'm facing now. It's my first Valentine's Day with my current (and incidentally, first) beau, and I haven't the slightest clue what I should do. Neither of us do. We talked about spending the day together, going out to eat, taking a walk... but these are all things we've done before. We're not exactly the most romance oriented couple. We enjoy spending time together, and he is amazingly sweet, but we're not particularly original. 

A couple days ago this fact truly bothered me. I mean, it's my first Valentine's Day as part of a "we" and I want it to be special. But it was only tonight that the obvious hit me. What makes the day special isn't what we do (nooooo, really?) it's about us. It's about two people taking extra time to enjoy their relationship. It's about expressing a love that doesn't need lots of frills or flowers to speak adequately (though I wouldn't at all mind a bouquet of roses--in case anyone was wondering :P).

I informed my dearest that I don't mind surprises, but when all is said and done there is something to be said for the classic eat out before curling up on the couch to watch a nice movie. Some would say this sounds plain, but with my man? sounds like a good evening to me.