Dear Ally McBeal...

You are beautiful, intelligent, accomplished, cute, funny, and look great in short skirts.

You are also incredibly stupid.

You turned down John Cage when he was interested. Granted, that kiss was...a disaster. But he turned out to get you better than anyone else. Your problem? He was short, and you weren't immediately sexually attracted to him. Well let me tell you girlfriend, these things take time. Sure, he may not get any taller, but you know what makes a relationship sizzle? Intimacy. Emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy. You had that chica. But you didn't want to give him a chance. Then there was the guy you dumped because he was bisexual (an ignorant choice, especially since he was brilliant, a successful judge, kind, honest, made excellent coffee, was ridiculously sexy, and wanted children). And then there was that gorgeous doctor you passed over (after he was willing to give you a second chance) because you had "moved on..." (whatever that means). And the obnoxious laugh guy...well...nevermind. I think lemmings threw themselves off cliffs at the sound of his laughter.

But all the other guys were great, and you let them slip through your fingers, chasing after dead ends who were sexy and gave you all kinds of "spark" and "sizzle," but were also married, engaged, or barely working!

Why can't you give the situation time to boil? It'll come. It might take a few nights of going out to dinner, movies, and museums. Maybe you'll have to endure hours of great conversation, laughter, and enjoyment. Perhaps he'll dazzle you with his wit, converse as though he can read your mind, and be a perfect gentleman in the meantime. And maybe, just maybe he'll have the same values as you, and you'll feel so comfortable, your time together will barely feel like a date. But I assure you, if you can stick it out just a bit longer, you might, through all that, find a guy who turns you on as well. And wouldn't that be the icing...

I get it. Chemistry is important. You want him to give you a little tingle. You want to retreat into that R-rated fantasy land in your head when he looks at you juuust right (or maybe when he's not looking at you at all...). But Chemistry can grow. It is a myth that chemistry will not be found in a relationship if it doesn't spontaneously appear on the first date. Sexual chemistry can be spontaneous, but it can also result from connection on other levels (intellect, faith, values...). You may need to go on a few dates, and discover those levels, before the little light starts blinking red and the windows start to fog.

So for heaven's sake, give him some time! And remember, he may have an obnoxious laugh, but you see transparent dancing babies accompanied by tribal music. Just sayin'...

Your Friend,
Jaclyn