Kissing!

Kiss–verb (used with object)

1.	to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound, in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc.

(http://dictionary.reference.com)

Have you ever really thought about kissing? No, I don't mean who you'd like to kiss. I mean the act itself. It's not as simple as one might think. When I started researching for this blog (No, it's not like you think, most of it was on sites like Webster, so get your mind out the gutter already!:) I got a little overwhelmed. So I decided to break it down by making a list of all the different kinds of kisses there are (excluding the totally disgusting/un-kosher/strange). Without getting too in depth, here are the top ten:

1. Hand kiss (a kiss on the back of the hand)
2. Palm kiss (a kiss in the palm of the hand)
   
3. Cheek kiss (a kiss on the cheek)
4. Forehead kiss (a kiss on the forehead)
   
5. Neck kiss (not to be confused with necking)
6. Common kiss (the traditional lip-to-lip with its sub-genres of: a) the brush, b) the peck, c) the half-french (no tongue), and d) the smacker)
7. French kiss ('nuff said)
8. Breather (breathing/whispering against one's cheek or lips)*
9. Eskimo kiss (rubbing noses)*
   
10. Butterfly kiss (fluttering eyelashes on one's cheek)*

*not always considered a kiss in technical terms

It's a pretty long list for just covering the basics. One has to wonder about what it all means. So, because I'm bored, girly, and bored I decided to do a classic magazine analysis of the topic. First let's assume that the two people doing the kissing are in a (at least dating) relationship and within an appropriate age range. Yes? Okay. Now I'm going to go through my sultry little list item by item and address four things:
a) Time
b) Intensity
c) Setting
d) Message

Ready? Okay.

1. Hand kiss (a kiss on the back of the hand)
a) There's no standard length of time for this kiss, but like most, the longer it lasts, the more intimate it becomes. But after about 3 seconds it becomes awkward.
b) Depends on the length of the kiss, but for the most part the is a low pressure, low intensity kiss. But the intensity factor is upped by the fact that this style of kiss is rather vintage and thus comes off as chivalrous and romantic.
c) This type of kiss can take place anywhere, if it's brief enough. In a crowd, in private, as long as it's not made terribly obvious (say at a get-together with only a few friends) it's appropriate almost anywhere.
d) "I adore you", "You're a queen", "Goodbye", "I have a cold sore"

2. Palm kiss (a kiss in the palm of the hand)
a) Again, less than three seconds is a pretty good estimate...
b) Waaaaay intense (especially if it lasts a whole three seconds). This is the kind of kiss you shouldn't expect (or give) until you've been dating the same person exclusively for at least a month or two. It's almost more intimate than some of its more, ahem, face-oriented cousins.
c) Definitely not in front of people. While, like the traditional hand kiss, it is perfectly appropriate in public (and by 'public' I mean in open areas occupied primarily by strangers), like most kisses (and as a general rule), it should not take place in front of friends.
d) "I adore you", "I love you", "I want you (a departure from the more traditional hand kiss)", "Still got that darned cold sore"

3. Cheek kiss (a kiss on the cheek)
a) Three second rule!
b) Depends on the length. But if it's just a quickie, it doesn't necessarily have to be a life altering moment.
c) This is one of the few kisses, that if discreet, can take place in front of friends. Otherwise...your location is up to you...
d) "You're sweet (girl to boy)", "I'm comfortable with you (boy to girl)", "I like you", "I love you", "Goodbye"

4. Forehead kiss (a kiss on the forehead)
a) Three second rule (It's a good general rule).
b) Low intensity. It's not particularly intimate, but it's sweet. Keep in mind, however, that it's also the kind of kiss a brother might give a little sister.
c) Anywhere. Public, private, unless you're friends are really immature (or you violate that 3 second rule) you should be fine with this just about anywhere.
d) "You're sweet", "We're friends", "I like you", "I love you", "Goodbye"

5. Neck kiss (not to be confused with necking)
a) 2 second rule. Why the shortened time? Because a kiss on the neck is more inmate than almost any other kiss on this list. Stretch it much longer and one risks sending the wrong message.
b) Very. Intense. It's not the kind of kiss you should share until you've been dating exclusively for at least five or six months.
c) Definitely in private. Or...you know... "public". But if you're going to be conspicuous about it, by all means, spare the public as well. And if you receive this kiss (or any of the subsequent kisses on the list) in the back seat of his car, consider immediately seeking out alternate transportation. (IOW: Exit. NOW.)
d) It depends, is he in front of you, behind you, or next to you? If he's in front of you the message is definitely "I want you", which isn't altogether bad if the setting is innocent. If he's behind or beside you, you can assume it's at least partially a location of convenience, in which case the messages could include "I want you", as well as "I love you", "I really, really like you", "You're special to me", and "I'm glad you're mine"

6. Common kiss (the traditional lip-to-lip...and here's where it gets deep...)
A) The brush
a) By definition this kiss lasts less than a second.
b) Unless it's your first kiss this is pretty low-tense for the lip-to-lip variety snog.
c) This is one of those kisses that is fine in both "public" and private, but should probably not be done in front of friends (unless you're like, engaged or something--in which case, why are you reading this??)
d) "I like you", "I love you", "Goodbye"

B) The peck
a) Again, by definition, this kiss lasts less than a second.
b) Unless this is your first kiss, this is a pretty low-grade kind of kiss. Sweet, but not too intense.
c) This kiss is appropriate in public or private, but should be avoided in front of friends.
d) Most commonly: "Goodbye", but also used generally for "I love you"

C) The half-french (no tongue)
a) 2 second rule--otherwise the chance of this becoming a real French kiss is verrrrry high.
b) Very intense. The most intense of the non-French kisses.
c) Private. Always. Because of its intensity this is one of those kisses the public should be graciously spared.
d) "I want you!!!" ..."Oh yeah, and I kinda love ya too..."

D) The smacker
a) 2 second rule helps exclude most of the grossness factor.
b) Intense. Sort of a "smack in the middle" kind of kiss as far as intensity goes.
c) Quick enough to pass in public, but generally should be kept in private.
d) "I love you", "Goodbye"

7. French kiss ('nuff said)
a) "How much time do we have?"
b) On a scale of 1-10 it is my personal opinion that this ranks at about a conservative 33.5.
c) Keep it behind closed doors, please! We don't care what you do, or where you do it as long as it's not in front of us!
d) "I l--... I llllo-- aw shucks, who am I kidding? I want you, dang it!"

8. Breather (breathing or talking against one's cheek or lips)*
a) Time depends on the message... discretion is the key here.
b) Medium intensity. He could be trying to be romantic, it could be impulse, or he could be trying to tell you your jeans split.
c) Again, how discreet can you be? Just have some class and keep an eye on who's around.
d) Depends on what he says:) But the unspoken messages can consist of "I love you", "I adore you", "I'm trying to be quiet..."

9. Eskimo kiss (rubbing noses)*
a) Who knows, I think that except for the butterfly kiss this is one of the most awkward kisses there is (to watch). How long you do it depends on how soon it takes for someone to sneeze, but after about ten seconds you're really starting to enter uncharted territory...
b) Intensity: High.
c) Who cares, just don't do it in front of me. Eskimo "kissing" in a high traffic area is definitely not a favor to the public.
d) "I love you", "My face is cold", "I'm getting in touch with my inner Inuit"

10. Butterfly kiss (fluttering eyelashes on one's cheek)*
a) I don't know, where's your contact now?
b) Unless you're eight and your dad is tucking you into bed there is no reason for this to happen. In the context of a relationship, I frankly think this bypasses the intensity meter altogether and crosses straight over to weird.
c) I don't know, why are you even batting your eyes in the first place?
d) "I'm flirting", "I'm a really bad winker", "I'm in seizure and my eye won't stop twitching!"

So, now that I've completed my professional analysis... what do you think? Do you have any opinions about these types of kisses? Feel free to comment, agree, disagree, or add anything you think I've missed. Have fun :)